April 2008: Back in China
So i'm now safe and sound in China, in the southern Yunnan province and it is so beautiful here, no words to describe it.
So lets start from where we last left off. After Thailand, I headed through Lao to travel by land into China. Upon entering Lao, I unexpectedly found a traveling buddy, Hernan, who was also heading towards China through Lao so we decided to travel together and keep each other company. We ended up hitch hiking from the Thai border in Lao to the Chinese border which took a good two days. We hitch hiked everything from tractors, which moved slower than people walking, to chicken trucks and onion trucks. There were places where not a car passed by for hours so we were left with nothing to do but sit around the side of the streets with the street kids. But we did make it safely to the border which is actually where the real trouble started. Upon arrival, the border patrol looked at my passport and said that he could not permit me to leave the country because I didn't get the passport stamped by the police upon arrival into Lao. NO ONE TOLD ME! so after sending me from one police to another, they finally gave me two options, to travel back to the border where I entered (two days of traveling away) or pay 100 US dollars. I only had 20 yuan on me at the time, there was no ATMs around, and I was definitely not going to go all the way back just to get a stupid stamp. So i stood there and argued with them for a good hour but got no where. Finally, i asked someone where the Chinese border was, and was told that it was 30 min walking distance away, and gathered up my courage and just walked across. I was so scared that they would run after me and chase me down but they didn't. when i got to the chinese border, i was praying that they would just overlook the fact that i didn't have the stamp and let me thru. My palms where sweating and i was shaking as the guard looked thru my passport and as he reached for the entry stamp, i let out a sign of releave but just right before he was going to stamp my passport, he stoped and asked, "but wheres your exit stamp from Lao." At this point, i just thought holy shit and was going to get ready to cry. But i explained the whole situation in as calm of a voice as i could fake. the guard then called over the main guard and the two of them went to the back to discuss the situation. Then he came back, stamped my passport, and welcomed me into China. I became the happiest girl to ever enter into china thru the lao border.
fast forward...now i'm in Dali which is an absolutely beautiful place. I'm working at a hostle and bar and therefore have free accomedations (but its really not work at all).
Working as a Bartender in Dali
its 12 o'clock, i'm sitting here half drunk, listening to chinese folk music, and trying hard to realize who ordered what and who has paid or not. i've had three joints too many and i've completely lost track of how many beers i've had. This has been life for the past couple of days. But being a bartender can sometimes sound a lot more glamorous than it actaully is. Nothing makes sense anymore and in a weird kind of way, it feels good, great in fact that nothing makes sense anymore. LIfe is no longer this perfect little road map...and right now, the chaos of it all is the only thing that makes sense. I pour myself anouther drink and go back to making small talk with the customers. If i have to ask another person "where are you from and how long will you be staying in Dali," I think i'm going to go insane. But wait a second, insanity, i think i'm there already.
Dali, my currently place of residence, my home. A place that I did not even know had existed a month ago but a place that i've decided to spend the majority of my time here in China. A place with beautiful mountains and a breathtaking lake. A place with 20 year old beautiful chinese girls holding hands with 50 year old Europeans. A place still untouched...but completely destroyed. A place that can offer you everything you can ever want or dream of, and then take it all away from you in a blink of an eye. A place where the term "love at first sight" applies on a daily basis, but a place that will leave you heart broken and begging for more. And i mean literally BEGGING for more. A place where mistakes are circular and we come back to the same people and the same mistakes over and over again. A place where nothing is consistant, where everyone is just a traveler passing through, but a place where EVERYONE is looking for a home, for a sense of security. But security comes at a high price in this place. We must sacrifice for security here. Because the person you were in bed with last night, is probubly fucking someone else tonight.
A month later...
Here I am, one month later, and still in Dali. Something about pain that draws you to it. I guess there was part of me hoping that I can find my own space here, hoping that I can make it work. Like a battered wife keep going back to the very man who brings her so much pain...something in us that draws us to pain and something in us that believes if we strick around long enough, things will change. Things don't change. I finally quit my job as a bartender. I was scrubbing floors, washing dishes, and cleaning up after other people's throw up, all of which I didn't mind so much because I believe its all those things that humbols us and brings us charactor. But when I was sitting at the bar listening to a couple of Chinese men talk about how much they hate foreigners in the most raw, hurtful language and how girls are sluts...that did it. I realised how NOT Chinese I was. I will never wash my husbands dirty underwear, my worth is not measured by how well i can cook and my job as a bartender was never to stroke a man's ego by downing beers with him while he called me baby, I am NOT ANYONE"S FUCKING BABY. o yah...and I will talk back to you. So I guess maybe all those things makes me a complete stranger to this place, to this country.
I told myself that I would dedicate the remaining two month of this trip to China, the country that had given me birth. To be with my people. Hoping that I would somehow discover myself in the process. What I discovered instead was how little I had in common with this place and these people aside from my outer appearence. But even that...I have people asking if I'm Korean or Japanese because my facial features don't look Chinese. BOTH MY PARENTS ARE BORN AND RAISED IN WUHAN! what more do you want from me? Categories and names, origins and places of residence, "Where does your parents live, in China or America?" WHY THE FUCK DOES ALL THAT MATTER? They fucking live on this planet just like you and I. So go back to your own categorizations of social class and rest assure that I have nothing in common with you and will never fit perfectly inside any box you draw for me.
Ok, venting over, now on to more important things. So I've quit my job after a group of drunk Chinese men tried to force me to drink with them. I have my own apartment which is paid for until May 18th, but considering that it was 30 dollars for the whole month, I'm not so sad about leaving early. As to where I will be going...I have NO idea...Maybe i'll just hop on a train and wait for the Universe to speak to me...
China 2008: Standing in the middle of the Earthquake
I'm sure by now you have all heard about the earthquake that recently shook up China. First of all, Ashley and I are both safe. We were together when the earthquake happened, in a small town about 5 hours away from the actual site of the quake. We were staying with a friend in a near by village and went to town that day to buy a birthday cake for our friends mom. In the middle of walking around, we felt the ground shake and looked up to see that we were standing right under an old rusty building. At that point, the whole building had started to shake and everyone went running and screaming into the near by plaza. The shaking lasted for maybe 5 to 10 mins but everyone stood huddled around the center for an hour or more.
Everyone in that town was safe as well as everyone in the village we were staying in. There was no damage expect for a couple of tiles and bricks falling out of place. Because of the earthquake, all forms of transportation was stopped and we stayed in that village for another 2 days until the trains were running again and headed to Chengdu in hopes of catching a train to Shanghai. The sight in Chengdu, the capital city closes to where the quake happened (2-3 hrs away), was a different story. A lot of the old buildings had clasped. People were sleeping everywhere from park benches to train stations. Many were too scared to go home, a lot of shops had closed down, most hotels were no longer receiving guests, and thousands of people were waiting outside of trains and bus stations. While inside a store trying on shoes, someone imagined they had felt a shake and screamed "earthquake" and within seconds everyone ran screaming outside. The whole city was living in a state of constant fear.
While in such devastating times, there was still so much hope and love. The earthquake brought many people together. It was hearth warming walking down streets with groups of people at every corner collecting donations and lines of givers with tears in their eyes as they filled these little red boxes up with love. Everyone from CEOs throwing in thousands of dollars, to students donating their lunch money. The song, "if everyone can give a little bit of love, then we can together make this world a much better place" cascaded from every corner.
On the train ride from Chengdu to Shanghai we met a man who had just escaped from the actual site of the earthquake. He told us of his encounters, his stories. About his friend who stood next to a collapsed building of which his son layed under. About his friend who stood there and could still hear, talk to his son. And of the rescue team who got there too late. 12 hours later, they were finally able to unearth what was buried underneath, but by then, it was too late. His friend had stood there next to that pile of what use to be a building and listened while his son took his last breath helplessly.
So i'm now safe and sound in China, in the southern Yunnan province and it is so beautiful here, no words to describe it.
So lets start from where we last left off. After Thailand, I headed through Lao to travel by land into China. Upon entering Lao, I unexpectedly found a traveling buddy, Hernan, who was also heading towards China through Lao so we decided to travel together and keep each other company. We ended up hitch hiking from the Thai border in Lao to the Chinese border which took a good two days. We hitch hiked everything from tractors, which moved slower than people walking, to chicken trucks and onion trucks. There were places where not a car passed by for hours so we were left with nothing to do but sit around the side of the streets with the street kids. But we did make it safely to the border which is actually where the real trouble started. Upon arrival, the border patrol looked at my passport and said that he could not permit me to leave the country because I didn't get the passport stamped by the police upon arrival into Lao. NO ONE TOLD ME! so after sending me from one police to another, they finally gave me two options, to travel back to the border where I entered (two days of traveling away) or pay 100 US dollars. I only had 20 yuan on me at the time, there was no ATMs around, and I was definitely not going to go all the way back just to get a stupid stamp. So i stood there and argued with them for a good hour but got no where. Finally, i asked someone where the Chinese border was, and was told that it was 30 min walking distance away, and gathered up my courage and just walked across. I was so scared that they would run after me and chase me down but they didn't. when i got to the chinese border, i was praying that they would just overlook the fact that i didn't have the stamp and let me thru. My palms where sweating and i was shaking as the guard looked thru my passport and as he reached for the entry stamp, i let out a sign of releave but just right before he was going to stamp my passport, he stoped and asked, "but wheres your exit stamp from Lao." At this point, i just thought holy shit and was going to get ready to cry. But i explained the whole situation in as calm of a voice as i could fake. the guard then called over the main guard and the two of them went to the back to discuss the situation. Then he came back, stamped my passport, and welcomed me into China. I became the happiest girl to ever enter into china thru the lao border.
fast forward...now i'm in Dali which is an absolutely beautiful place. I'm working at a hostle and bar and therefore have free accomedations (but its really not work at all).
Working as a Bartender in Dali
its 12 o'clock, i'm sitting here half drunk, listening to chinese folk music, and trying hard to realize who ordered what and who has paid or not. i've had three joints too many and i've completely lost track of how many beers i've had. This has been life for the past couple of days. But being a bartender can sometimes sound a lot more glamorous than it actaully is. Nothing makes sense anymore and in a weird kind of way, it feels good, great in fact that nothing makes sense anymore. LIfe is no longer this perfect little road map...and right now, the chaos of it all is the only thing that makes sense. I pour myself anouther drink and go back to making small talk with the customers. If i have to ask another person "where are you from and how long will you be staying in Dali," I think i'm going to go insane. But wait a second, insanity, i think i'm there already.
Dali, my currently place of residence, my home. A place that I did not even know had existed a month ago but a place that i've decided to spend the majority of my time here in China. A place with beautiful mountains and a breathtaking lake. A place with 20 year old beautiful chinese girls holding hands with 50 year old Europeans. A place still untouched...but completely destroyed. A place that can offer you everything you can ever want or dream of, and then take it all away from you in a blink of an eye. A place where the term "love at first sight" applies on a daily basis, but a place that will leave you heart broken and begging for more. And i mean literally BEGGING for more. A place where mistakes are circular and we come back to the same people and the same mistakes over and over again. A place where nothing is consistant, where everyone is just a traveler passing through, but a place where EVERYONE is looking for a home, for a sense of security. But security comes at a high price in this place. We must sacrifice for security here. Because the person you were in bed with last night, is probubly fucking someone else tonight.
A month later...
Here I am, one month later, and still in Dali. Something about pain that draws you to it. I guess there was part of me hoping that I can find my own space here, hoping that I can make it work. Like a battered wife keep going back to the very man who brings her so much pain...something in us that draws us to pain and something in us that believes if we strick around long enough, things will change. Things don't change. I finally quit my job as a bartender. I was scrubbing floors, washing dishes, and cleaning up after other people's throw up, all of which I didn't mind so much because I believe its all those things that humbols us and brings us charactor. But when I was sitting at the bar listening to a couple of Chinese men talk about how much they hate foreigners in the most raw, hurtful language and how girls are sluts...that did it. I realised how NOT Chinese I was. I will never wash my husbands dirty underwear, my worth is not measured by how well i can cook and my job as a bartender was never to stroke a man's ego by downing beers with him while he called me baby, I am NOT ANYONE"S FUCKING BABY. o yah...and I will talk back to you. So I guess maybe all those things makes me a complete stranger to this place, to this country.
I told myself that I would dedicate the remaining two month of this trip to China, the country that had given me birth. To be with my people. Hoping that I would somehow discover myself in the process. What I discovered instead was how little I had in common with this place and these people aside from my outer appearence. But even that...I have people asking if I'm Korean or Japanese because my facial features don't look Chinese. BOTH MY PARENTS ARE BORN AND RAISED IN WUHAN! what more do you want from me? Categories and names, origins and places of residence, "Where does your parents live, in China or America?" WHY THE FUCK DOES ALL THAT MATTER? They fucking live on this planet just like you and I. So go back to your own categorizations of social class and rest assure that I have nothing in common with you and will never fit perfectly inside any box you draw for me.
Ok, venting over, now on to more important things. So I've quit my job after a group of drunk Chinese men tried to force me to drink with them. I have my own apartment which is paid for until May 18th, but considering that it was 30 dollars for the whole month, I'm not so sad about leaving early. As to where I will be going...I have NO idea...Maybe i'll just hop on a train and wait for the Universe to speak to me...
China 2008: Standing in the middle of the Earthquake
I'm sure by now you have all heard about the earthquake that recently shook up China. First of all, Ashley and I are both safe. We were together when the earthquake happened, in a small town about 5 hours away from the actual site of the quake. We were staying with a friend in a near by village and went to town that day to buy a birthday cake for our friends mom. In the middle of walking around, we felt the ground shake and looked up to see that we were standing right under an old rusty building. At that point, the whole building had started to shake and everyone went running and screaming into the near by plaza. The shaking lasted for maybe 5 to 10 mins but everyone stood huddled around the center for an hour or more.
Everyone in that town was safe as well as everyone in the village we were staying in. There was no damage expect for a couple of tiles and bricks falling out of place. Because of the earthquake, all forms of transportation was stopped and we stayed in that village for another 2 days until the trains were running again and headed to Chengdu in hopes of catching a train to Shanghai. The sight in Chengdu, the capital city closes to where the quake happened (2-3 hrs away), was a different story. A lot of the old buildings had clasped. People were sleeping everywhere from park benches to train stations. Many were too scared to go home, a lot of shops had closed down, most hotels were no longer receiving guests, and thousands of people were waiting outside of trains and bus stations. While inside a store trying on shoes, someone imagined they had felt a shake and screamed "earthquake" and within seconds everyone ran screaming outside. The whole city was living in a state of constant fear.
While in such devastating times, there was still so much hope and love. The earthquake brought many people together. It was hearth warming walking down streets with groups of people at every corner collecting donations and lines of givers with tears in their eyes as they filled these little red boxes up with love. Everyone from CEOs throwing in thousands of dollars, to students donating their lunch money. The song, "if everyone can give a little bit of love, then we can together make this world a much better place" cascaded from every corner.
On the train ride from Chengdu to Shanghai we met a man who had just escaped from the actual site of the earthquake. He told us of his encounters, his stories. About his friend who stood next to a collapsed building of which his son layed under. About his friend who stood there and could still hear, talk to his son. And of the rescue team who got there too late. 12 hours later, they were finally able to unearth what was buried underneath, but by then, it was too late. His friend had stood there next to that pile of what use to be a building and listened while his son took his last breath helplessly.
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